By The Way, I Love You
by teamjazzler
Summary: Inspired by PS I Love You. Edward Cullen and his wife Bella were happily married when tragedy struck. But Bella was prepared and left behind a series of letters for her beloved husband. Follow the arrival of the letters and how Edward copes. A story of love, loss and family. Tissue warning for all chapters.


**So, I'm back with a new story. This won't be updated for a few weeks due to my going back to school and the fact that the other chapters are not written yet, but - yes, there is a but - I can estimate that there is only going to be 6 chapters; plus or including the epilogue, I'm not sure yet.**

**This ain't no happy story folks, grab a whole box of tissues if you're emotional as I am. You're gonna need them.**

**FYI - There is a HEA, of sorts. But I only write canon pairings, so let's just wait 'til the end of the ride, shall we? **

**Enjoy, and please let me know your thoughts.**

* * *

Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen. That was her name.

She was the most perfect person in the world; beautiful, kind, caring, loving and selfless and just perfect. And she was mine...

Until she was not.

We had met in the middle of our second last year of high school, her first day at Forks High, and we had just clicked as soon as Mr Banner announced we would be partners in Biology for the rest of our school career. We got to know each other and the rest, as they say, is history.

It was a few years after we met, I had just turned 23, when I finally plucked up enough courage to ask her to be mine "till death do us part". And the surge of joy I felt when she replied, "Yes." could not be rivalled until August 13th, 2010 - the very day she became my wife.

I never knew those vows would be tested so soon.

We enjoyed the best honeymoon in history, in our eyes anyway, on a small island just off the coast of Rio, and it was the happiest time of our lives.

It was barely one month after we returned home, that things turned to hell.

It was a perfectly normal day, September 21st, that I kissed her goodbye as she left to visit her mother and father. I told her that I loved her, playfully refusing to let her leave our flat before I gave in and watched her walk out the door. It was barely a minute after she closed our door that I heard the dull thud of her body crumpling to the ground.

I would never forget the fear I felt that day as I wrenched the door open and saw her there, passed out on the floor, or when the paramedics came and whisked her off to the hospital; me gripping onto her hand the whole way there.

Leukemia. So advanced that there was nothing we could do.

I couldn't believe it. What had we done in our short lives to deserve this?

She accepted it easily; in all the time I had known her she had never questioned anything that had happened, believing that there was a reason for it. But I couldn't see any reason for this.

I struggled for a week or so after the news, before coming to my senses and just cherishing every single moment I had left with her.

We endured four months full of endless doctors appointments, medication changes, hair loss, family visits, so much pain and heart-felt sympathies until it came to February 10th.

On February 10th, she deteriorated quickly and was hospitalized. She could barely feed or even move herself. I moved into the hospital room with her, regulations be damned, and we spent February 14th just being with each other. I couldn't bear to lose a moment with her. Not one single moment.

And that very final moment came on February 16th, 2011.

And I have never been complete since.

~BYWILY~

It was one month after I had lost her that there was a knock on the door.

I hauled myself up from the couch, absently scratching at the beard I had unknowingly acquired and opened the door to see a courier standing there with a small white envelope in his hand.

"Edward Cullen?" He questioned.

I nodded, answering in a gruff voice, "Yeah?"

He smiled softly, holding the envelope out to me, "I was instructed to give this to you."

I took it from him, looking down at it quickly before looking at him in confusion. "Instructed by whom, may I ask?"

The man sighed, smiling sadly at me, "Isabella Cullen."

My eyes immediately filled with tears and I felt a sob build in my chest as I shook my head in disbelief. "That's impossible." I croaked.

The man rubbed the back of his neck, "I understand, Mr Cullen. But that is who instruced me to give it to you personally. If it helps, she came to me months ago. I'm sorry." He whispered before he turned and walked away.

I stumbled back into the apartment, slamming the door behind me before I opened the envelope, tears already flowing down my cheeks as I recognised her handwriting.

_"Dear Edward,  
_  
_I know that you're confused, my love, but trust me, this is me. I promise. Just go with it, okay? Just like that movie we watched a few months ago with Adam Sandler._  
_In the next few months, you'll be receiving a couple of letters from me; letters just to show you how much I love you. They'll be coming at significant times and moments, so please don't go looking for them. Just take each one as it comes, because I spent the last few months of my life trying to work out a way to show you how much I adore you, even after I'm gone. I'm sorry, baby. I promised you forever, and I couldn't keep that promise. One that I definitely can keep, I promise you now. I promise to love you, each and every moment of forever - whether or not I'm with you in body. I'll always be with you. I miss you already, baby._

_By the way, I love you."_

I collapsed to knees as I read the final words, heart-wrenching sobs wracking my body. The pain of losing her and now seeing this felt as if my chest was being ripped open and tightly squeezed. It was too much.

I clawed at my chest, screaming out through the sobbing and my body just collapsed to the ground like a ragdoll.

It was in that moment that my mother opened the door and found me, curled in the fetal position, screaming and sobbing my heart out.

"Edward!" She cried, but I didn't react to her. I was numb. "Edward, honey, come on. Come here."

She pulled me into her arms as she kneeled on the ground and I sobbed hysterically into her chest, her arms not being the comforting ones of my wife - the ones I craved so damn much.

My mother stroked my hair soothingly and my sobbing stopped before I collapsed against my mother's body. "She's gone.." I whimpered.

She sniffled, whispering, "She is, baby. I'm so, so sorry."

I felt the tears flow from my eyes again, but I made no move to wipe my eyes. The pain reminded me that what I was going through was real...that she was real.

What felt like hours later my mother placed a kiss on my forehead before helping me up onto the couch. "Edward, what brought this on, son?"

I swallowed heavily, staring at the envelope on the ground intently before I choked, "Bella.." I sniffed, "Bella, sent me a letter."

She gasped, "What? How?"

I shrugged, sucking on my bottom lip as I looked up at her, "I don't know, ma, but...seeing her handwriting and her words...I could almost hear her as if she were standing right next to me whispering them in my ear!" I ran my hands down my face, rubbing my eyes with the palm of my hand, "And I can't handle it, ma! I buried her!" I sobbed, "I buried my wife less than a month ago and now this happens, and...I just can't do it." I whimpered. "I can't lose her again!"

She sat down next to me, touching my hand gently, "Baby, what if this is a gift? I doubt Bella would do this to intentionally to hurt you.."

I sniffed, "I know it wouldn't be intentional.. She wasn't like that.." I shook my head, "I don't know why she would do this. Or even how she could do this. I just wish I knew why! Surely she knew I would be devastated and these...letters wouldn't help matters! I'm only going to feel like I've got her back before they run out and I loose her again." I cried, "And I can't handle that. I can't." I whispered, hanging my head.

"Edward," she whispered, "Maybe just try. Bella obviously did this for a reason. You knew her better than anyone, even her own parents." She stroked my hair soothingly, "Just try, baby. Try and figure out why your wife would leave these letters."

I swallowed, licking my dry and chapped lips as I shrugged, "I don't know. To let me keep a part of her, maybe? To help cope with the loss of her?" I sniffed, whispering, "I don't think I can handle losing her again, Ma. I won't survive it."

She ran her fingers through my hair, "You will, baby. We'll all be here to help you. You're not alone."

Truth was, I had never felt more alone in my life.


End file.
